Change vs. Growth

Imagine meeting a three year old once at a friends bbq and during that visit they’re holding a baby orange that they can’t yet peel.

You offer to peel it for them and notice their light up shoes aren’t tied.

You offer to tie the laces, they accept.

After complimenting their t- shirt they challenge you to a race because you stated you liked Sonic too.

You race them and they win because light up shoes are superior athletic wear, making the child faster than sonic and you cant compete.

They “ tank you.” Then go play.

You don’t see that child for 9-10,11,12 years but because you met them when they were 3 you remembered and assume they still love baby oranges.

You go so far as to assume that hedgehogs are their favorite animal and oranges may be that child’s favorite fruit based on one interaction you had 10, 11-12 years ago.

So you bring some.

They’re no longer wearing a Sonic character tee so you’re not sure how to strike up a conversation based on their current interest.

They’re wearing the same type of shoes you’re wearing instead of the light up shoes you met them in. They hate running.

You ask do they still love stegosaurus based on that one conversation and are disappointed to find out they do not.

Not only that, they no longer like oranges and bites into an apple instead.

“ My Mom said that was my first time eating mandarin oranges. I ate so many oranges that day. I haven’t had one since.” Says the teenager

“I wouldn’t have brought these oranges.” You say.

Now recognizing that you’re dealing with a teenager and not a toddler you try to relate to them based on teenage stereotypes instead of getting to know them because you’re past knowledge of them is inaccurate, outdated and obsolete.

Assuming that they hate high school, are annoyed by their parents or perhaps have started dating.

The teenager offers to peel your orange for you and you yell “ I don’t need your help. I used to peel YOUR oranges.”

You’re a little offended and your energy, tone and posture reflect that.

You ask them about any love they have in their life and they side eye you because they don’t know you and the nature of the connection doesn’t dictate that type of candor or closeness.

Teenager thinks you’re weird and dismisses themselves leaving you with your bag of baby oranges.

“You’ve changed!” You accuse, as they walk quickly to their room.

Many times people believe that where they met you or left you is how/where you’ll remain.

In mentality, intellect, interest and physique even physical location.

Phrases used when experiencing the growth phenomenon:

• You’re so big now.

• You’re so smart.

• I could carry you on my shoulders.

• You used to ________.

• I remember when _______.

People who have been absent or who were never really present in our lives have a hard time accepting our growth especially if they haven’t grown and because they never really knew you.

There’s a difference between knowing someone and knowing OF* someone.

When someone still wears their clothing from the 80s with the same hairstyle or make up technique.

When their furniture still has plastic covering it and the walls are painted in jewel tones and pastels it’s easy for outsiders to assume they’re stuck on that 1980s time line.

It’s much more difficult to ascertain when it’s mindset and maturity.

A lot of what is considered change is actually growth.

Your approval or presence isn’t necessary or required for someone to experience it.

Life goes on whether you’re part of it or not.

Many people age but never grow.

Never stop growing. 🌱

#HappyHealing

- Shyralyse ❤️